I
Dirk: man i am so fucked up
Reed: why?
Dirk: i mean my philosophy of life is fucked up
Reed: tell me more
Dirk: did you think i meant drunk
it’s what i wanted you to think
Reed: sometimes people mask things they worry about with jokes
Dirk: remember those early 2000′s spams that used to be sent out that would say things like “i met you the other night i was so drunk”
Reed: hah
Dirk: can i eat yr food
Reed: hey! i need that food!
Dirk: whoops
Reed: awww
Dirk: i didn’t eat it
Reed: nah, that’s ok
Dirk: im just glad i didn’t go to the doctor
$300 later…”take some tums and I’ll run an ekg”
im gonna go to the video store soon i think
Reed: are you gonna pick me up?
Dirk: well…uh
the bus stops in 10 minutes
Reed: oh, that’s ok
i don’t want to take the bus
Dirk: why not
because of what i said about people who ride the bus?
Reed: so you want me to take the bus and come over and hang out?
Dirk: what kind of question is that?
it’s up to you
Reed: it’s up to me what you want?
Dirk: no it’s up to you whether or not to decide what you want to do
i mean whether or not you want to do what i am going to do
did you watch freddy vs. Jason on tv today?
Reed: if what you want to do is come get me, then we both want to do the same thing
nah, i missed it
Dirk: i saw the new show
quarterlife
did you see that
Reed: no what’s it about?
Dirk: it’s an updated my-so-called-life by the makers of my-so-called-life
it’s good
Reed: that sounds like a good one
Dirk: yeah i was glad it was good
Reed: is it realistic? everyone is broke and shitty and on drugs and have shit jobs?
Dirk: pretty much
Reed: that band the romantics was pretty good if you can forget that song “what i like about you”
Dirk: mike and the romantics
Reed: they were just called the romantics
Dirk: yeah i hate them
and the fabulous thunderbirds
and mike and the mechanics
Reed: totally different bands
yeah
but in the grand scheme of shitty music, the romantics at least have some catchy riffs and melodye
Dirk: when is that job over
Reed: pretty fuckin soon
4 days maybe less
Dirk: yr working right now
this minute
Reed: yes
Dirk: i guess im just gonna do laundry then
it’s what i was born to do
Reed: they have a song called “love me to the max”
and “rock you up”
Dirk: thats pretty good
Reed: yep
ok i’m done working today
bye
Dirk: so you don’t want to go to the video store

Birdie bird
Nestling in hollowed out bible
Feeds its’ babies shreds of bible
Beaked up shreds blued w/ink
Rainwater halos around Amos and Isaiah
Now in tiny bird stomaches
Later shat onto toyotas parked under the poplar

How the birds got the bible up in the tree is something
It was a group effort
And now it’s up there
And the city wants to do something about it
But all they can do is look up
Mumbling things to each other
Like- some kinda book. I think
The city council decided to place a beaver at the bottom of the tree
Maybe it would gnaw it down
End of problem
But the beaver proceeded to climb up the tree
And sit next to the birds
And look around at things
Gnawing its shoulder every once in a while

The city council decided to send up a possum
The possum went up and told the beaver to come back down
The beaver proceeded to convince the possum to stay in the tree
Maybe start a little tree family with the birds and a neighborhood watch
The possum unpacked his suitcase and sat on a limb

The city council decided to send up a rattlesnake
Thinking- this will fix it
The snake slithered on up and bit into a sock that was stuck up in the tree
Snake thought it was a vole or something
The sock got stuck in the snake’ fangs
Snake crawled over to where the beaver and possum and birds were
And asked if they could get the sock out its mouth
The beaver gnawed the sock off and chucked it out the tree
Snake coiled around a limb and was perfectly still

The city council decided to send up a couple of bears
The bears climbed up and sat next to each other on one of the larger limbs
Looked over at the possum and beaver and birds and began discussing things
The bears were saying that if the birds left then everything would be fine
Because it’s the birds they were after in the first place
The possum argued no, that after the birds they would all have to go
The snake said he knew all that already and slithered down the tree
The bears said he did the right thing, but was killed upon arriving on the ground
The bears wondered why the snake was killed and rationed that they would also be killed
They unpacked their backpacks and made themselves at home

The city council sent up an alligator
The alligator got halfway up the tree and then fell out onto the ground
Bit an arm off a shopkeeper and a leg off the town drunk
The animals in the tree laughed and laughed
They smoked a joint that the possum was saving for a special occasion

The birds get high, the beavers get high, the possums get high, the bears get high
And begin to build a tree house
Made of icicles that formed on the branches of the poplar
The oven is baking fresh apple pies and new curtains w/corn cob prints are being put up in the kitchen.
Possum made a bronze cast of a snake wrapped around a limb
And set it on the mantle above the fireplace
The fire is warm and cozy w/cedar logs
Small puffs of smoke from the chimney rise into the sky above the town
Mingling with the winter clouds.

1/2005